Day 74: Letting the light in #107days

Day 74 was adopted by Fiona, an eLearning designer and video producer from Northern Ireland, who is interested in how we might use technology and media to reduce inequality and injustice. This is what she had to say about why she’s supporting #JusticeforLB and #107days:

A few months ago, a couple of tweets from a lady called Sara Ryan were retweeted in my Twitter timeline. Shocked by what I read, I looked at her profile and made my way to her blog. Two hours later I was still there, reading Sara’s blog. It was fantastically joyous and devastatingly sad in equal measure.

Many years ago, I lost my brother to cancer. He was 13 and I was 15. Unlike Sara’s son, Connor (aka Laughing Boy = LB), there was no incompetence involved in his death. But it was at a time when cancer services for children could at best be described as primitive. When you overhear a GP telling your mum that she’s being selfish when she’s feeling afraid to give her child morphine, you know there is something not quite right.

So, when Sara described trying to push the horrors away so that she can remember the good times with LB, it resonated with me. I was hooked into Sara’s story and wanted to become involved, and help, somehow.

And grief is a strange beast. In the immediate aftermath of a death, it almost protects you – numbness, shock, shutdown, self-preservation, darkness. As time goes on, chinks of light get in. You try to remember what was good about the person and use it to drown out the horrors. For years, I remember not being able to see my brother’s face, then one day, I could.

So today I dedicate this blog to letting the light in. In my own family, they couldn’t talk about my brother – It took them almost 10 years to put a headstone on his grave. His name is rarely mentioned, even now, some 25 years later. I loved how in Sara’s blog, she shared stories of LB, and little snippets of conversation. How Sara is coping with her pain and grief is a true inspiration.

This is what Fiona has to say about #JusticeforLB and all dudes/dudettes:

As well as seeking justice for LB, I love how the #107days campaign is highlighting the general crap provision and support for people with learning disabilities in our society. There are so many inequalities around people with learning disabilities. I continue to be shocked when I read statistics on this, for example – more likely to die younger – on average 16 years sooner than everyone else. If this was any other section of society, there would be people on the streets! You can read more about the inequality research here.

The very people we should be protecting the most in society are often discounted as an ‘inferior species’ not worthy of our full attention.

But improving life for our brothers and sisters with learning disabilities is not all about statistics. It is about all of us. In her blog, Sara talked about people who worked with LB, the Charlie’s Angel story made me smile so much. Sara also talked of how LB’s brothers and sister and their friends seemed to find an easy way of happily being together. If this can happen at a family and local community level, then there is no excuse for wider society getting it wrong.

Nurturing the Potential

We all need help to reach our potential. Sadly, if you have learning disabilities, this doesn’t happen in the way that it should. I’ll leave you with a story from a dude that I know. Eoin is 23 and lives near Derry in Northern Ireland. He tells us about his love of learning about World War II and his work as a volunteer in local events. Eoin is thriving and has had several short work placements in local businesses who have welcomed and supported him. Here’s Eoin…

The video is taking a while to sync within the post, but you can watch it on YouTube here.

We’re grateful to Fiona, and to Eoin, for sharing their experiences with us. Our hope is that everyone will receive the support they need to reach their potential, otherwise, to be blunt we’re talking about lives half lived. Surely we’re past that?

Day 11: A mother’s thoughts #107days

Day 11 was adopted by Shelley Mason. When asked why #JusticeforLB was important to her this was what Shelley had to say:

Justice for LB is important to me because I’m a mum and a human being and what happened to Connor should not be allowed to happen to anyone. Post Winterbourne, it’s shocking to know things are still so bad. Of the 3 families I know who have children with learning disabilities, 2 have made national headlines – my friend Mark Neary and his son Steven and now Sara and Connor. When will people with learning disabilities be treated well everywhere?

I liked that Shelley commented as a mum, and as a human being. This isn’t simply about parents and children, or mothers and sons, it’s about humans and humans, and we’re all a part of that. Anyhow, I digress. I have to admit I was delighted and relieved that Shelley had realised that it was Mother’s Day and she has tailored her post accordingly.

It is Mother’s Day in the UK. Mums all over the country will be receiving cards, hugs and kisses from their children but there is one household I know of, and God knows, there will be thousands of others, where a mum will not receive anything from one of her children. And I can’t really imagine the pain of that scenario.

Shelley introduces LB:

What can I say about Connor himself? I never met him but so wish I had. He was clearly a very funny and witty young man because many a time I’ve laughed out loud at the things his mother, Sara, has written about him. He was not a faceless boy even though we had never met in the flesh. He had depth, he had character and he had passions. Eddie Stobart, lorries, buses and the Mighty Boosh. He was such a real person to me that I took photos of lorries I saw in motorway car parks and sent them to his mother so she could pass them on. So please, before you read any further just take in this one point. Connor Sparrowhawk was a real, living, breathing, laughing young man with the rest of his life stretched out before him.

Describes his time in the unit and reflects on what has come to pass since: A catalogue of falsifications, neglect and shoddiness labelled ‘care’ followed by attempts to pass his death off as ‘natural causes’ and more wriggling than a bucket of eels.You can read Shelley’s post in its entirety here and what more she ends with a Cheesecake Truck, go check it out.

Screen Shot 2014-03-30 at 11.33.26

However you spend today, thank you for taking a moment to read this, and remember LB, Sara and the many many other mothers without their children and children without their mothers today. We hope that our collective actions for #107days will prevent another family facing this pain. Thank you.