Week 9: The CEO – The Mystery Cat #107days

As Week 9, which has focused on Art and Activism draws to a close, we’ve had an excellent piece of poetry, an adaption of T.S.Eliot’s Macavity (you can read the original here) shared with us. The author/adapter wishes to remain anonymous, but we have their agreement to share this wondrous poem with you all. The photo attached to this post is one of Jack’s cats, that were made and sold to raise money for LB’s Fighting Fund by Jack. You can read more about that in this post from Day 97 last year. Now though, we give you 

The CEO: The Mystery Cat

The CEO’s a Mystery Cat: she’s called the Hidden Claw
For she’s the master criminal who can defy the Law.
She’s the bafflement of Monitor, the CQC’s despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime: the CEO’s not there!

The CEO, the CEO, there’s no-one like the CEO,
She’s broken every human law, she breaks the law like billyo.
Her powers of dissimulation would make an MP stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime – the CEO’s not there!
You may seek her in the unit, you may look up in the air-
But I tell you once and once again, the CEO’s not there!

The CEO’s an elusive bod, she’s very tall and thin;
You would know her if you saw her, for her eyes are sunken in.
Her brow is smooth with botox, her hair has shiny sheen:
Her coat is glossy with expense, her grin in public’s seen.
She sways her head from side to side, with movement like a snake;
And when you think she’s fast asleep, she’s always wide awake.

The CEO, the CEO, there’s no-one like the CEO,
For she’s a fiend in suited shape, to duty she says cheerio.
You may read her in a ghostwrit blog, for which she has much flair-
But when a crime’s discovered, then the CEO’s not there!

She’s outwardly respectable (they say she cheats at cards).
And her foot prints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard’s.
And when reserves are looted, and acquired estate is rifled,
Or when the staff are missing, and the truth’s again been stifled,
Or the ligatures are present, and the unit’s past repair
Ay, there’s the wonder of the thing! The CEO’s not there!

And when the investigation finds the records gone astray,
Or commissioners lose all integrity along the way,
There may be some scrap of paper from an FOI request
But it’s useless to investigate, at evasion she’s the best!
And when the crime has been disclosed, the regulators say:
“It must have been the CEO!” – but she’s a mile away.
You’ll be sure to find her ‘leading’, or a-licking of her thumbs,
On engaged in doing complicated renumeration sums.

The CEO, the CEO, defies the laws of gravity,
There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
She always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place – THE CEO WASN’T THERE!
And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention NAME REDACTED, I might mention LAWYER, PHONE!)
Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time
Just controls the operations: Viral Leader cat of crime!

Day97Cat

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3 thoughts on “Week 9: The CEO – The Mystery Cat #107days

  1. CEO left the COO (now the CEO of solent nhs trust) in charge during maternity leave.
    The note attached to payslips informing all staff at southern of this also explained that she would be in communication with COO and others’ throughout her leave.

    CEO was in a photo tweeted by southern last week at an event in Basingstoke.

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